These Words shared by A Dad Which Rescued Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"I think I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of being a father.

Yet the reality quickly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require support. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to addressing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger failure to communicate among men, who still internalise damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to request a break - spending a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their pain, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I think my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."