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When I came of age in the 1990s, the government gave the impression that wage disparity between genders was most effectively handled by informing young women that no goal was out of reach. Eye-catching, vibrant pink promotions told me that systemic and societal barriers would yield to my self-belief.

Experts have since debunked the belief that a person can fix their lives through upbeat attitudes. A writer, in his publication Selfie, unpacks how the free-market ideology of equal opportunities fuels much of personal development trends.

Yet, a portion of my mind that still believes that through diligent effort and create a firm goal map, I can realize my deepest aspirations: the single obstacle to my future rests on my shoulders. What is the path to a state of balance, an equilibrium between trusting in my unlimited potential but am not responsible for every failure?

The Solution Is Found in Self-Effacement

The solution, as stated by a fourth-century philosopher, a theologian from ancient Africa, is humility. Augustine stated that self-abasement served as the base of every other moral quality, and that in the quest for the divine “the primary aspect requires modesty; the following, modesty; the last, lowliness”.

As someone who left the church in my case, the concept of meekness may trigger a range of negative emotions. I was raised in an era of the church when focusing on physical beauty constituted the sin of vanity; sexual desire was deemed improper outside of procreation; and just thinking about masturbation could lead to punishment.

I don’t think that Augustine planned for this, but for many years, I conflated “modesty” with shame.

Healthy Humility Is Not Self-Hatred

Embracing modesty, as per doctor Ravi Chandra, isn’t equivalent to hating oneself. A person with balanced humility takes pride in their skills and successes while acknowledging that there is always more to learn. He describes multiple forms of modesty: modesty regarding cultures; intergenerational humility; modesty in knowledge; awareness of limits; humility of skill; meekness in insight; humility of awe; and meekness during hardship.

Studies in psychology has similarly found multiple perks coming from intellectual humility, such as increased toughness, tolerance and bonding.

Modesty at Work

Through my profession as a pastoral care practitioner in aged care, I now think about humility as the act of focusing on someone else. Meekness serves as a centering practice: returning, step by step, to the carpet beneath my shoes and the person sitting in front of me.

There are some residents who recount to me the same five anecdotes from their lives, repeatedly, every time I see them. Instead of watching the clock, I strive to pay attention. I try to stay curious. What lessons are there from this individual and the memories they hold onto when so much else has gone?

Creative Quietude

I attempt to embrace the spiritual mindset which expert Huston Smith termed “productive stillness”. Thinkers from Taoism urge individuals to quiet the ego and live aligned to the universe’s rhythm.

This may be highly applicable while people attempt to fix the destruction people have inflicted to the natural world. Through her publication Fathoms: The World in the Whale, Rebecca Giggs notes that practicing humility enables us to re-connect with “the primal self, the creature that quakes toward the unseen". Embracing an attitude of meekness, of ignorance, allows us to remember people are components of a greater entity.

The Grace of Humility

There is a barrenness and despair that comes with believing you can do anything: success – whether this means becoming wealthy, shedding pounds, or gaining political power – becomes the only acceptable option. Meekness allows for grace and setbacks. I embrace meekness, connected to the soil, suggesting I have everything I need to develop.